As I sailed past a new Maserati GranTurismo going a painstakingly slow 55 mph in the fast lane today, I experienced a strange sensation: it was as if I heard a collective sigh from all 405 horses under that hood. And hey, I feel their pain: I can only imagine how disappointed they must have been to have had a grade-A sissy at the wheel.

I wanted grab the dude by his Brooks Brothers lapels and drag him off to Bobby Ore Motorsports. This is truly the place to unleash your inner Steve McQueen. Bobby Ore has been doing insane auto stunts for 35 years in everything from “Dukes of Hazzard” to “Gone In 60 Seconds”. He was one of the first to start drifting in feature films, and by request by fellow stuntmen in the industry, he started up his own specialized driving school.

Now open to the public, you too can learn the fine arts of the forward 180, the reverse 180, and the sliding parallel park—and that’s just in the beginning stunt driving class. You’re only stuck in the classroom for the first hour, after which you’ll be shuffle steering, skidding, and cruising the obstacle course in no time. From there you can move up to the advanced course where you’ll dive into high-speed driving, slaloming, and drifting.

But it doesn’t stop there. When you’re ready to take your driving from showbiz to the real world, step it up to the Counter Terrorist Driving program, which covers life’s necessities like ramming techniques, multiple vehicle ambush encounter drills, escape and evasion, attack scenarios, dead man driving (passenger side driving), and car to car weaponry. This is a fully custom program and you need to apply for acceptance (no dilettantes allowed).

If nothing here sounds quite right, just give their office manager Rosyln a jingle and they can set up a specialized (dare I say “bespoke”?) training program tailored to your whims.

And then you’ll be ready to set those horsies FREE…

This post is tagged 180, counter terrorist driving, drifting, stunt driving, stuntman