I wanted grab the dude by his Brooks Brothers lapels and drag him off to Bobby Ore Motorsports. This is truly the place to unleash your inner Steve McQueen. Bobby Ore has been doing insane auto stunts for 35 years in everything from “Dukes of Hazzard” to “Gone In 60 Seconds”. He was one of the first to start drifting in feature films, and by request by fellow stuntmen in the industry, he started up his own specialized driving school.

Now open to the public, you too can learn the fine arts of the forward 180, the reverse 180, and the sliding parallel park—and that’s just in the beginning stunt driving class. You’re only stuck in the classroom for the first hour, after which you’ll be shuffle steering, skidding, and cruising the obstacle course in no time. From there you can move up to the advanced course where you’ll dive into high-speed driving, slaloming, and drifting.

But it doesn’t stop there. When you’re ready to take your driving from showbiz to the real world, step it up to the Counter Terrorist Driving program, which covers life’s necessities like ramming techniques, multiple vehicle ambush encounter drills, escape and evasion, attack scenarios, dead man driving (passenger side driving), and car to car weaponry. This is a fully custom program and you need to apply for acceptance (no dilettantes allowed).

If nothing here sounds quite right, just give their office manager Rosyln a jingle and they can set up a specialized (dare I say “bespoke”?) training program tailored to your whims.

And then you’ll be ready to set those horsies FREE…

That said: when you’re straight-up batshit crazy for extreme, then you’re ready take up wingsuit flying. This crazy-ass sport takes makes skydiving look like bungee-jumping (and bungee-jumping look like riding a pogo stick). In wingsuit flying, you wear a special wingsuit which has fabric sewn between the legs and under the arms to create an airfoil which actually creates lift. The end result is greater control while flying (or “falling” as some might call it) and more horizontal movement.

The results are truly insane (see the video to the right for examples). Typical BASE jumps are finished in seconds – with wingsuits you can fly for minutes which feel like an eternity. You can do barrel rolls, swoops, and flips. And the lunatics in Norway are going for extra thrills by flying within feet of the cliff walls that they jump off of.

Naturally if you’re putting your life on the line like this, you have to have the best equipment possible, and these come from Phoenix Fly. Founded by Robert Pecnik, longtime skydiver and designer of the first commercial wingsuit, Phoenix Fly represents the most state-of-the-art in wingsuit manufacturing. They offer a variety of wingsuits, from beginner models up to the most advanced suits available, including the Vampire (a high-performance suit which is the weapon of choice for BASE jumpers) and the Stealth (a brand-new design aimed at slow freefall speeds and maximum range). Each suit is tailor-made to your personal body shape, resulting in an outfit that maximizes comfort and performance.

Bear in mind you’re going to need at least 200 regular skydiving jumps before you can begin instruction on wingsuit flying (or 500 if you’re cocky enough that you figure you can just teach yourself). But if you’ve got the sack to go wingsuit flying, you probably won’t mind a couple hundred free-falls beforehand.

And then you can chuckle to yourself as you blow past the line between “sport” and “extreme sport” at a hundred miles an hour.

A more ecologically sound alternative than its foam board predecessors, the Rayskin, with an 8-14 week production time, was specifically designed to give good solid maneuverability for East and West coast surf conditions.

The company hand-crafts, numbers each ride-able work of art and even surfs your custom board to make sure it’s up to snuff. It is then refinished and delivered to your beach-side mansion or Airstream, whichever you prefer. Matthew, you know we’re talking to you. Forget what TMZ says, we don’t care if you ever grow up. Keep surfing dude.

In what has to be one of the coolest jobs on the planet, Rayskin promises to test ride with the best surfers to keep improving and modifying its rides, since in the end, it’s all about surfing, not just the look. Mi4m begs to differ. But hey, what do we know, we’re just a bunch of champagne swirling lounge lizards.

What you need is Gassan Sadaichi’s wakazashi. This blade has “true badass” written all over it. First of all, the wakizashi was the samurai’s workhorse sidearm. While the katana (the longer blade you see in Kill Bill) gets the glory, the wakizashi was the one sword that a samurai would NEVER be without – he’d even sleep with it under his pillow. And just in case you think it’s only for show, the wakizashi was the sword that samurais would use to take trophies on the battlefield (and by “take trophy” I mean “decapitate and save the heads of your conquered enemies”).

This particular sword is the most badass of the badasses. Gassan Sadaichi was a master swordsmith, the grandson of the founder of the Osaka Gassan school of swordmaking, and an official Living National Treasure of Japan. The sword is 21 inches of razor-sharp steel, bearing the Gassan school’s signature grain pattern in the blade and an engraving of the God of War Fudo Myoo on one side. The sword’s scabbard is even signed by Sadaichi in his own hand.

So go ahead: show it off to your friends, and kindly excuse all posers from the room.

With a remote control that fits in your plaid pants, it easily climbs hills and basically walks itself to the next hole all while looking super chic.  Controllable from more than 50 feet away, it has a stabilizer and glides over the rough on magnesium alloy wheels.  Powered by an enhanced version of NASA-derived software and it’s lithium battery, the F1 can outlast many golfers, reportedly able to keep going for more than 27 holes before needing recharging.  

As a double added bonus you won’t have to buy a gas guzzler to haul it around, it folds up nicely and will fit in the tiny trunk of your Porsche.  

Available in 7 colors, (red is my personal favorite), and a tricked out matching golf bag, who needs that chatty caddy!

But Paul Levine, the proprietor of Signature Cycles, promises to change my reluctance to ride, with a custom bike made just for my special needs.  I’m talking about my petite frame, not my raging wanna-be alcoholism.  

Based in New York, Signature Cycles, the World’s largest custom bike studio, is an elite bike maker that uses biomechanical evaluation techniques to create your custom ‘cycle.   

Kind of like a first date, they begin with an extensive interview process and evaluation, which includes a physical assessment both on and off the bike.  They take into consideration your goals, past and current injuries as well as general physical fitness.

They take notes on your riding preferences, document your riding style by biking with you and record precise measurements to create your one-of-a-kind bike.   Some of Paul’s fans say that their custom bike helped alleviate back pain, hand numbness and fatigue.  Just like an expensive suit, it really isn’t any good unless the fit is perfect.    The company sells only about 200 custom bikes each year and the typical custom job will run you about $8,000.

Granted, most of his bikes are for the avid bike rider, but I wonder how much more it would be to add a wine rack and an oyster shucking station?

In addition to all the nifty things the ski concierge can do for you, Whistler is also the site of the 2010 Winter Olympics, so you will get to carve on the same slopes as the world’s greatest athletes.   

With the newly opened  Peak 2 Peak, a $52 million ski lift that connects the tops of Whistler and Blackcomb mountains in a mere 11 minutes, it’s the perfect time for a jaunt  in your private jet to Whistler.   

And a ski concierge alone wouldn’t be all that MI4M if it wasn’t paired with a luxurious four bedroom Four Seasons private residence, approximately $8000 per night, sleeps up to 8.

And even if you don’t ski you can still look like fabulous at the lodge with the help of the concierge.

The idea of sipping dirty martinis as we watch dolphins swim by sounds like the perfect date. And think of the grand entrance you could pull off at Cannes? Exiting from the top hatch of the sub in your stunning red carpet ready gown should get your photo in People magazine. Because of the handy top hatch you never even have to touch the water.

The SportSub can provide between two to six people unobstructed visibility of sea life just below the waves and on the ocean floor. A Depth Control System provides auto-hover and auto-target capabilities that allow it to maneuver like a helicopter – up, down, forward, backward, and sideways. You can even take your hands off the controls (mixing martinis, fastening the gown) and the auto-hover feature automatically holds the sub at your current depth.

The company also makes a Surveillance sub, originally designed for the Barcelona Olympics, that can operate in total black out conditions (hey, another use for your night vision goggles) so your personal security team can keep the waters in front of your Malibu home free from pesky amphibious paparazzi.

SportSubs can be tucked on the aft deck of your mega yacht and we know that a certain bachelor Crown Prince recently purchased one in yellow. Don’t ask us about our sources, we’ll never give them up.

Understandably so.  Wagner makes skis for real skiers, not wanna-be snow bunnies like me.  They seem so sincere, I’m not even sure they’d take my money.

The fitting process begins with a detailed questionnaire and an interview (ah, the stress!) with one of Wagner’s expert ski designers who will explore your needs in fine detail. They may even ski with you, so brush up on your skills.  

Made from the world’s finest components, one pair at a time, in an ultra-modern green energy plant, the company uses the world’s most expensive base materials for each set of custom skis – cores laminated from fully-cured, dimensionally stable, solid clear-grain heart maple, ash, or aspen, laminated with no knots, holes or filler.  It means that the length, sidecut radius, waist and shovel width, flare angles, and flex profile are designed to suit your weight, strength and skiing style.  In the immortal words of Tina Fey, “I don’t know what that means.” 

What better conversation starter on the slopes than fabulous looking skis.  About $1000.